


Towards The Same Blocked Intersection

by emilyenrose



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Akuze, Gen, stealing details from Dune
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-21
Packaged: 2017-11-02 07:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyenrose/pseuds/emilyenrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan came to this bar to drink away the humiliation of getting rejected. Shepard's the last person he wants to see there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Towards The Same Blocked Intersection

Kaidan nearly turned around and walked out of the bar when he saw the commander. Christ. He’d picked a place that wasn’t Chora’s because he knew that was her favourite when she was ashore and he wanted to avoid her. Impossible aboard the Normandy, and he needed some liquid assistance to forget how badly he’d embarrassed himself.   
  
Spaceman Paddy’s was the Citadel’s very own fake Irish bar, proof if there ever was any that not all of humanity’s achievements needed to be shared with the galaxy at large, and apart from one bemused elcor everyone in there was human. It was poky and dark and the tables were dirty, but they did beer. Not good beer, but definitely beer. Commander Shepard was halfway down a pint, and it didn’t look like it was her first either. While Kaidan hesitated in the doorway a big blond guy ambled over and tried to hit on her. Shepard brushed him off with a sardonic raised eyebrow and a smile. That made her look up, and Kaidan had waited too long to leave; she waved him over and he couldn’t walk away.  
  
“Evening, Lieutenant,” said Shepard when he took a seat opposite her. “You drinking?”  
  
“I...”  
  
“Pint for my friend!” said Shepard to a passing waiter. She wasn’t slurring but she was still, Kaidan realised, as drunk as he’d ever seen her. His first instinct--to get away as quickly as possible from the source of his romantic humiliation--was replaced by slight worry. “Everything all right, Commander?” he asked.  
  
“Sure, sure, fine. Couldn’t be better. I’m celebrating,” Shepard said. “Join me. Nice to have company for a change.”  
  
The waiter returned and set a beer down in front of Kaidan. He tasted it. It was foul. “Celebrating what, ma’am?”  
  
“My anniversary,” said Shepard.  
  
While Kaidan was still reeling from that she went on: “Couple of weeks early but we’ll be on a mission when the actual date hits. Drink and be merry!” She laughed, a little grimly, at Kaidan’s expression. “No, sorry, Lieutenant, I didn’t mean to unnerve you. I’m fine and mostly sober, I promise. I’d be grateful if you stuck around, gave me a reason not to get drunker. I wouldn’t want to set a bad example.”  
  
Kaidan looked at his beer, decided to make the best of it, and drank. “You’re married, ma’am? I didn’t know,” he said, like someone poking a bruise.  
  
“Married? No.” Shepard sighed. “Can I tell you a story, Lieutenant?”  
  
“I--of course, ma’am.”  
  
She leaned back in her seat and looked at the ceiling. “When I was fresh out of training,” she said, “green as the grass, as they say, I was assigned to a unit under the command of Commander Ramon Wilder. Ray. He was earthborn, like you--his family came from Mexico originally, but he’d been all over. Damn fine soldier, Ray Wilder. Damn good looking guy, too.  
  
“Anyway I fell head over heels--me and half the unit. I’ve never met anyone so charismatic, he just had that effect on people. I don’t know what he saw in me, but eventually...” she shook her head. “Against regs, of course, but the rest of our squad turned a blind eye. I guess we were pretty cute. We kept it quiet anyway, of course, and Ray was a good commander. Commander Wilder my superior officer and Ramon my boyfriend, they were two different people.”  
  
Kaidan swallowed and nodded.   
  
Shepard didn’t really seem to be paying attention. “And we got engaged,” she said softly, looking into the distance. “We set a date...I told my mother. God, I look back on it and I think, we were really young. I guess a soldier’s life makes you think about these things sooner.”  
  
She stopped. Kaidan avoided her eyes. It hurt, hearing about this other guy, this guy Shepard had loved. It hurt way more than it should, given that he’d never really had anything with her.  
  
“What happened then, ma’am?” he said when the silence stretched too long.  
  
“Akuze happened,” said Shepard.  
  
That gave Kaidan a jolt. The massacre on Akuze. _Christ_. “I’m sorry, Commander,” he said.  
  
She smiled thinly. “You know, Alenko, I think for this conversation just Shepard is fine.”  
  
Kaidan nodded. Part of him was wishing he were somewhere else. The rest of him was too fascinated by the unprecedented sight of Shepard willingly talking about herself to leave.  
  
“We didn’t have the intel we needed,” Shepard said. “The thresher maws came out of nowhere... Ray was in command on Akuze. I remember clearly the look on his face when he realised what we’d been dropped into--that there was no way out--” She closed her eyes. “He saved my life that day.”  
  
“He must’ve really loved you,” said Kaidan.  
  
“Yeah, he did. He did.” She picked up her beer and took a long drink. “He loved me, all right. I fucked up on Akuze, Alenko. I’d been a spacer all my life and I’d never seen anything like those threshers. Underground monsters,” she shivered, “they’re the stuff of nightmares to spacer kids. The first one came up and killed half of us before we could take it down, and then we realised there was a whole nest between us and safety. I panicked. We were spread out, split up, what was left of us anyway, and Ray told us to get to the rocky ground--they can’t come at you through stone--and to walk, walk slow and separate, because it’s vibrations through the sand that wakes the things. But I couldn’t make myself do it. I broke and ran. Ray saw the ground heaving and he lost his head, ran after me, and both of us running, right across the sand--that’s what woke the nest.”  
  
Kaidan stared at her.  
  
“Ray killed the one that was coming for me,” Shepard said quietly. She was telling the story simply, without emotion, but her eyes were horrible to look at. “It was a young one. He was badly injured and I had to drag him the rest of the way to the rocks, but we made it. And then we sat there through the night, on the edge of the sand. I watched the nest chew up the rest of our unit while he bled to death in my lap. He was conscious almost to the end. He knew what was happening, that his people were dying.” She met Kaidan’s eyes. “He made the wrong call, Alenko. Twenty good men and women, all that was left of our unit, died because their commander’s good judgment was compromised. The nest quieted down after a couple of hours, and he died of blood loss just before dawn. I was the only survivor. He should have left me to die, and we both knew it. He died knowing that. We would have been married... six years this month.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” said Kaidan after a moment.   
  
“Yeah,” said Shepard. “Anyway. Situations like that one are why fraternization regs exist.” She drained the last of her beer and set the empty glass down on the table with a clunk. “Something I learned. Ray was a good man and a good soldier, and he loved me, and no one should ever have to choose between those two.”  
  
Kaidan swallowed. “I understand, Commander,” he said.  
  
Shepard gave him a look. “Christ, Alenko--Kaidan--I’m not trying to lecture you. I’m _apologizing_. You got,” she smiled lopsidedly, “mixed signals. I don’t deny it. But I didn’t intend it, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”  
  
Kaidan said, “Did you ever think that maybe--maybe he would have done it even if you hadn’t been together?”   
  
“Maybe,” Shepard said after a moment. “I hope not. I would have thought less of him for it.” She stood up abruptly. “Right, enough reminiscing. Enjoy your shore leave, Lieutenant.”   
  
Kaidan stood too. “Commander,” he said and saluted. He added, awkwardly, “Thank you.”  
  
Shepard hesitated for a barely noticeable second and then leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “It’s an honour to serve with you, Lieutenant Alenko,” she said. “Ray would have liked you.”  
  
Kaidan watched her walk away, still feeling the imprint of her lips on his cheek.  
  
He got another beer.


End file.
